Be kind to yourself today. No one else knows what you have been going through. And in many ways, you may not truly understand what you are going through.

If you are anything like me, you are your absolute worst critic. I haven't a clue when this started for me. But as far back as I can remember, I had always been way too hard on myself. Even with the support of family and friends, I would hardly ever feel like I had done my best in most activities. I couldn't sing well, my art was horrible, and I was never good enough. At least, that is what I thought. And no amount of praise from anyone could change how I felt about myself. I had a strong tendency to see other people doing better than me. This left me with a sense of sadness and depression. These unreasonable expectations of myself were all I could ever see.

For a few years of my elementary school days, I had a bully. Day in and day out, that kid would torment me both physically and verbally. Due to my low self esteem, I just felt like I deserved this abuse. I don't even recall ever telling my teachers or parents about what was going on. Then one day, while walking between the high school and our elementary school buildings, he told me something I found quite odd. He straight up told me, "I'm doing this to you to make you a stronger person." That was the last time he ever abused me and we became friends until our paths took us in different directions. But all of the things he said to me never left my mind and further diminished my self esteem.

As you can imagine, this sense of a low self worth manifested into a sort of perfectionism in my adulthood. Whether it was remembering what my bully said, or just doubt in my own abilities, I always felt like I could do or be better. This all continued through one of the darkest times in my life. I uprooted my young family from Indiana, where we had both lived our entire lives, to Illinois and away from our friends and family for a new career opportunity. Not only did this put a lot of stress on us as a family, it added to my level of self doubt. I began entertaining thoughts of, "How could I do this to my family?" and, "Your in-laws hate you for taking their daughter and grandson away!"

The unreasonable expectations and immense pressure I was putting on myself eventually broke me completely. On one of our trips back to Illinois, after visiting family, I had a total mental breakdown. Upon a failed attempt to jump from our moving car, my wife managed to pull over and call 911. This began a multi-year period of me being in and out of mental hospitals. Just before the end of that first year, it even included an attempt to take my own life. I believe it was during my eleventh hospital stay when a case worker finally asked me if I really wanted to live like this. Of course I didn't! But I didn't quite know how to break the cycle I was going through. It wasn't until a stay at a state run facility for 28 days straight before I finally hit my lowest.

I could write entire book on this dark period of my life alone. So I won't take you any deeper into that now. However, what happened next was I finally started seeking real help. Doctors and medication weren't going to be the only way to solve this. I needed real world advice on how to change my thought life. So, I decided it was time to seek counseling. One of the most profound statements my first counselor told me was I'm not perfect. I never will be. And that is ok. He taught me to only compare myself to whom I wanted to be tomorrow. And then just do what I needed today to be that person. He also taught me that it is ok to not understand my own feelings. This was the first time I gave myself permission to feel all of the feelings and to accept myself for who I actually am.

Although my life didn't get immediately better, how I thought about myself eventually did. Whatever you are going through right now, please be kind to yourself. Whether you are facing a bully, a chronic illness, or just a bad day, feel all the feelings. There isn't a single person in the world who truly understands what you are going through. And I bet you don't understand it either. I know I don't understand why I feel the way I do. So give yourself the permission you need to accept yourself for who you are, just as I did. You are so much more than your feelings or your circumstances. Don't look past who you want to be tomorrow and just do what you need to today. Stop being your worst critic. And if you are anything like me, you'll begin to think more positively about yourself before you know it.