If you look back, you'll soon be going that way. Learn from the past, but keep moving forward!

I’m going to be completely honest with you. I have spent quite a bit of my life dwelling on my past. Many of the moments of my life are worth spending some time meditating over. However, being human, it is in my nature to actually focus on those moments which are not worth giving time to. Yes, I should definitely be learning from all of the bad times. But why allow them to anchor me to the past?

Those closest to me, and now you, know I have been married multiple times. And each marriage, unfortunately, ended in divorce. Although both of us contributed to the failure of the relationship in each marriage, I mostly dwell on my side of the failure. It is so easy to focus on what I could have done better and differently to make everything work out. However, no amount of dwelling and reflection will solve those past problems.

Such as it was with failed marriages, I have also had more than my fair share of work relationships end with burned bridges. I work in the software development industry. A typical employment opportunity for a software developer, or engineer, is not much more than six years. That isn’t to say there are some developers or engineers who stay with the same employer their entire careers. However, I’m one who has worked for more than ten employers in my career. Many of those employment opportunities ended without pomp and circumstance. However, there were multiple times when things could have ended much better.

What I have learned to do is apply what I “should have done” to future relationships, both personal and professional. After stating that, I’m sure you are wondering, “If you apply what you learned, why then do you keep getting divorced and switching employers?” The answer is simple: all relationship are different. That means I make all new mistakes in future relationships. And that is ok. I’m here to tell you that mistakes do not define you or me. So long as we learn from those mistakes and do not repeat them, we are still moving forward.

I have no idea what future relationships I’ll have. What I do know is that those relationships will be built on lessons learned from my own perspective. And I’m not just talking about romantic relationships. My experiences in broken marriages have actually helped with friendships and business relationships. These experiences have opened my mind to begin looking at the perspectives of others. Nothing is what it seems on the surface. There is always something else behind every disagreement. So, the ultimate lesson I have learned is simply to listen to understand the other person’s point of view.

What can be learned from failed marriages and employment decisions? Everything! Even if you repeat history with relationships, or anything for that matter, it is ok. The key to understanding these mistakes is to keep moving forward. I fully endorse looking to your past. But when you do, learn from it and move forward with those lessons learned. In fact, I would say embrace your past. Those experiences shape what makes you who you are. Just do not dwell on the past and therefore be anchored to it. Do not allow it to bring you down. Own it and move on. Learn from everything in your past. And keep moving forward!