The Ember in My Soul

2025/10/29

I've had a rough day. Perhaps it was the Dodgers loss last night? LOL jk Yeah, they lost last night. But it was still a fun game to watch. I think this is a good series for World Series. Both teams appear to be well matched. I've been amazed at the pitching of both teams overall. It's all tied up now. Tonight is game 5 and the final game in LA.

Anyway, I've struggled a little today. I think I slept well. But I'm still recovering from that long and late game 3. Not to mention getting up an hour earlier than I want. That has also impacted when I've been eating meals. This is just a temporary transition. Once my body and mind adjust, all should be fine. But I had a few moments today that didn't feel great. Especially that hour when the landscaping was being done right outside my apartment... LOL Also, that meeting after lunch today.

I'm generally in a fantastic mood otherwise. It hasn't been a highly productive day because of those other things. But I'm not allowing that to bum me out. Things like Humpty Dumpty Day and messages I've received from family and friends today are making my heart happy. Even though things can be better on days like today, they could also be much worse.

That said, it's okay to acknowledge when I'm not happy with something. It can be toxic always focusing on the positive. I want to also face the negative and grow from it. Working through what I don't like to find how I can deal with or manage things, you know? I should probably be a little more open about what I don't like. Just not on social media... LOL People can be so unkind out there. But I sometimes talk about what bothers me here in my journal. It's just that not many read it... LOL I think just me and my best friend? I doubt people from my social media read this.

I was extra irritated by the landscapers this morning. My frustration led me to pray for Blessings for their lives. But before that, I was on edge for a bit. It was one of those moments when listening to music to drown out the noise would have just made matters worse for me. Yeah, I really didn't like what they were doing, when they were doing it, and how they were doing it. But they'll never know... LOL

Yet, there is still a lot of things to like about my day. Several things have made my heart happy today. Grandma had a large crew for her weekly Wednesday breakfast. Humpty's tale made us laugh. Especially the AI video based on our poem. Trexina danced to Surfer Smash. She also managed to wave her claw at someone else's foot... LOL I still don't know how that was even possible... LOL Dan and Corban went to Magic Kingdom for a bit and sent a photo from my favorite attraction. Hint: There's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow... And Tyrese and her sister are having a great vacation. Tyrese keeps sending me pictures. Yeah, my heart is happy, the landscapers can't take that away...

No one can actually take my joy. If I lose it, it's only because I've given it away. I have no control over what happens around me. I don't always have control over what happens to me either. But I do have control over how I respond to things. For the most part, anyway. When I lose control, that's when I start to give away my joy. What I do in such times is turn to God for strength to hold onto joy or return to it. I turned to God today. And He turn me around. It sure wasn't easy in the moment. He never promised it would be. He just said He has overcome this world and for me to take heart. Today, I was witness to and experienced just that. He overcame my being overwhelmed. And my soul found rest in Him.

I'm in a bit of a food slump. This week, all of my meals are pre-made. I'm just heating things up with no real cooking. I haven't been motivated to create new meals lately. And I haven't been motivated to make my favorite meals. I didn't even make tacos yesterday. I'm sure I'll snap out of it soon. I do love to cook, after all. I've been cooking since I was a kid. Probably 40 years... LOL It's definitely part of who I am.

I just realized, I've been developing software for about 40 years as well. And I'm coming up on the 30th anniversary of when I started engineering user facing applications. My current career didn't take off until 9 years later. But the Spring of 1996 was a very important time in my journey as a software engineer. If I am to live long enough, I imagine I'll be looking back on these past few years in 30-40 years from now with similar fondness for the beginnings of important aspects of who I am. My heart is different now. Some of my interests have changed. And I look at life through a different lens. This all began 3 and 4 years ago. This work in progress is making progress. I look forward to what the next 30-40 years are going to be.

After 3 days of research, I think I'd like to formally organize may journey with what I'm learning about the Church. Yesterday I was thinking I wouldn't want to write up anything about it. And I may not publish anything still. But now that I'm getting into some interesting topics, it would probably be a good idea to be a bit more organized. And I could put together something I can share. Who knows, maybe someone else could find this interesting and useful. I don't really have anything specific in mind for this research beyond simply discerning what God might be laying on my heart. And I'm finding myself very encouraged this week. The ember in my soul is heating up. The flame that once burned so brightly for the Church will soon again burn brightly.

Side note: I wrote this on the Note Air5 C and used Google Gemini to convert it to text. I created a Gemini Gem that specializes in converting my hand writing to text and to help prepare the file for publishing. Pretty cool, eh?